How My “Healing” Was Actually Destroying Me.

There has been an enormous shift for me over the past year.

Last year, I was rolling in my spiritual mud, lol. I went through several long periods where I was really struggling with my existence. I don’t want to go too deep into my dark night of the soul right now, but I do want to talk about healing.

Because I spent a whole year “healing.”

Constantly.

I believed I needed to heal everything inside of me. I treated myself like I was broken. I felt like I couldn’t start anything — my business, posting on Instagram, anything — until I healed certain parts of myself.

I did hundreds of energy healings, breathwork sessions, and healing-focused meditations.

And honestly… I still felt like shit, lol.

Looking back, I believe I needed to go through that phase. But the energy of that year felt very dark and heavy.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I wasn’t just healing — I was becoming consumed by it.

And even more than that… I started projecting it onto others.

I was healing, and I desperately wanted others to do the same.

I looked at people — especially my loved ones — and felt frustrated that they weren’t “doing the work,” that they weren’t growing. I couldn’t understand how they could stay around me when I was so deep in my healing and they weren’t.

I was so consumed with my own healing journey that there was nothing else left.

And here’s the uncomfortable truth:

I was being a hypocrite.

I was preaching healing, inner work, and self-awareness…but I wasn’t truly looking at myself.

I believed that if others healed their “issues,” their programming, their limiting beliefs — they would be happier…

It would genuinely bother me when I saw people doing “nothing” with what I perceived as their problems.

But I was so focused on them that I couldn’t see myself.

I was quick to point out what others needed to fix, instead of actually listening to them. Instead of asking what was really weighing them down.

Because the truth is — sometimes people don’t need to be “fixed.”

Sometimes they just need to be heard.

And that alone can be healing.

Something shifted for me around the New Year.

I suddenly felt that I didn’t need more healing…I needed to start doing the work.

Living. Acting. Moving forward.

That’s when things began to change.

Being spiritual, connecting to something deeper — it’s beautiful and freeing.

Being able to sense people, to see beyond the surface, to recognize their fears, patterns, and unresolved wounds — it can feel like a gift.

But it can also become a curse.

Because it’s very easy to slip into judgment.

To move into ego.

To believe you “see more” than others.

And that place is not a place of Divine light.

It’s not where I want to be.

This journey we are on here on Earth is personal.

It’s not about fixing others.

It’s between you and God — not me, you, and God.

And this is something important to reflect on:

When you want someone close to you to “heal”…is it because you truly want them to feel better?

Or is it because you want your life with them to be easier?

Or maybe…is there something in you that still needs your attention?

For me, the biggest realization was this:

Maybe the real growth isn’t in fixing others…

but in learning to let go, accept them as they are, and trust that their journey is unfolding exactly as it should.